Dorothy Parker

The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed.‘

Money cannot buy health, but I‘d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Four be the things I‘d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound — if I can remember any of the damn things.

I‘m never going to accomplish anything; that‘s perfectly clear to me. I‘m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don‘t do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don‘t even do that any more.

You can‘t teach an old dogma new tricks.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

I don‘t care what is written about me so long as it isn‘t true.