True story.

In college I had a crush on a very beautiful woman who, at that time,
was having difficulty with her marriage. A mutual friend told this
joke to her to illustrate that sex is all in the mind.

Q: What's a four letter word for intercourse, ending in "k"?

My beautiful friend, petite and fair, instantly turned a very becoming
shade of crimson, but said nothing.

"Why are you blushing?" says our mutual friend. "The answer is
'talk', obviously!"

My beautiful friend was delighted and said she must try the joke on
her husband. Next day she tells this sad story.

A Miami-Dade Florida man was arrested for stealing county buses.  Dressed like a bus driver, he took buses from their Transit stops, drove the regular route picking up and dropping off passengers, then returned the bus.  He didn't steal the bus fare either.  Why?  The article didn't say.

He was charged with "third-degree grand theft and burglary of an occupied conveyance".

http://www.news4jax.com/news/16970491/detail.html

Transcript of an actual UFO report in Wales, as reported by the BBC:

Control Room: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"

Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."

Control room: "Right."

Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."

New Hamphsire, from the AP:

    http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/06/21/tax.evaders.ap/

Ed and Elaine Blane of New Hampshire really don't like paying income taxes.  So, they would rather die.  Yup.  That's rational.

Monkey see, monkey bite.

Does your monkey bite? No. But that's not my monkey.

Apparently, this monkey escaped from a Mexico City zoo, boarded a city bus and sat next to the driver for almost an hour. When a 20 year old female (human, one presumes) passenger tried to hold the monkey, it scratched and bit her.

Moral of the story: leave sitting monkeys ride.

The Bard was the best! Cick here for a random Shakespeare insult! Amaze your friends:

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?