"I don‘t care what is written about me so long as it isn‘t true. "

"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. "

"You can‘t teach an old dogma new tricks. "

"I‘m never going to accomplish anything; that‘s perfectly clear to me. I‘m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don‘t do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don‘t even do that any more. "

"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound — if I can remember any of the damn things. "

"Four be the things I‘d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. "

"I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. "

"Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. "

"Money cannot buy health, but I‘d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. "

"The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed.‘ "

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. "

"It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard. (Said when leaving hospital after an abortion). "

"All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends. "

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I‘m under the table,
after four I‘m under my host. "

"Ducking for apples — change one letter and it‘s the story of my life. "

"I‘ve never been a millionaire but I just know I‘d be darling at it. "

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. "

"When asked to use the word horticulture during a game of Can-You-Give-Me-A-Sentence, Parker replied: You can lead a horticulture, but you can‘t make her think. "

"Of Ayn Rand‘s Atlas Shrugged, Parker said: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” "

"I‘ve been too fucking busy – or vice versa. (in response to a letter from her editor asking for more stories during her honeymoon) "

"A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. "

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie. "

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn‘t be a bit surprised. "

"If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think “How lucky are the dead.“ "

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. "