"It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.
"
W.C. Fields
Submitted by cvining on
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up as an old lady, then kick him down the stairs. If you want to make a comedian laugh, it has to be an actual old lady.
Submitted by cvining on
When I played Keokuk one night they were so packed in they couldn't laugh ha ha ha, they had to laugh ho, ho ho
Submitted by cvining on
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Submitted by cvining on
I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. It‘s the one thing I‘m indebted to her for.
Submitted by cvining on
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.