Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

The influence of coffee in stimulating the genital organs is notorious.

The liver is the only thing standing between the smoker and death! Also certain other things have to be avoided... like, uh, feather beds, and romantic novels... and the, uh, touching of one's organs. Masturbation is the silent killer of the night! The vilest sin of self-pollution! It is the sin of Onan!

Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, sir! Any use of the sexual act other than procreation is a waste of vital energy! Wasted seeds are wasted lives!