"Faith is believing what you know ain't so "

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. "

"To commit suicide in Buffalo is redundant  "

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. "

"A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't. "

"History doesn't repeat itself, but It often rhymes "