I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. It's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
It's like hitting yourself with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop.
My wife took me seriously, when I was just poking around in fun
You know you're getting old when you can't recall if it happened 20 years ago or 30.
That's a kind of logic. Specious, but still a kind of logic.
How much fun does a priest have? Nun.
The Beatles won't last.
There's no future in Computer Science. Computers will be programming themselves soon.
It's pronounced "NEUmonia". The "p" is silent, like the "p" in "pswimming"
I hate bigots and protestants
